My Story – Why I left the ‘church’ of Scientology

Author and owner of World Cult Watch, Rob Robinson

Author and owner of World Cult Watch, Rob Robinson


The reason I left Scientology can be summed up in three words.  I was Terrified.  I have been out for 17 years and I am still terrified.  Every day.  I still wake up crying from nightmares at least twice a month.  Just by writing this I am opening myself up for attacks from the Church of Scientology and it’s Office of Special Affairs.  I am sure they will be spreading lies about me like they have others who have left the “church”.  But you, dear reader, deserve to know the truth.

Here is how it happened.  I had never been a Scientology public. (client or parishioner).  I started out by applying for a job as a book seller and moved up very fast.  But I came to believe that Scientology was the only way we were going to fix the world.  Many Scientologists still believe this.

I had been on staff in Scientology for about six and a half years.  First in a mission and then transferred to the Scientology Organization (herein after called the Org), in Las Vegas, Nevada.  I was the Public  Executive Secretary.  This is the person who is in command of the division responsible  for bringing new people into Scientology and I was good at it.  Maybe too good, as my heart was really with Hubbard on the way to build up a great Org, and indeed all of Scientology was to keep getting new people in.  This thought was soon to get me into big trouble.

What happened was this.  The Executive Director of the Org was taken off post for reasons I never knew.  This was a command decision from way up and a lowly Executive Committee didn’t have a need to know.  They (command) decided that I was to be the new Executive Director and that I was to appoint the receptionist to the post of P.E.S.  We were both to report to Los Angeles (Big Blue) for training on our new posts.  We were there for three days and the training was intense.  We had three days to learn what most people learned in three months, but we both buckled down and did it.  Another big problem that I will get to next.

Throughout my life I have been blessed (cursed?)  with an almost perfect memory.  What I have read once, I remember.  I can tell you what we talked about several years ago, on a certain occasion.  So because of the things that I had learned in my P.E.S. training, and the things that I learned on my E.D. training, I knew a lot of Hubbard’s policies that the average Scientologist didn’t know.  I even knew policies that many Sea Organization (The Elite command structure) personnel didn’t know.

I had been on this post for about three months and things were going fairly well.  The Org was making money and we had new people coming in.  One day, a Sea Org mission came into the Org to set up an event for the International Association of Scientologists (I.A.S.).  Now I didn’t really like this idea because first, I could not find in policy where it should even exist, and second, I had attended their events before and the only reason they had these events was to make money for the I.A.S.  Once a person was at this event, he was going to donate something.  Or he wouldn’t be allowed to leave.

Although I didn’t like it, I didn’t have too much choice in the matter, so I filed it in my mind to write up later.  What happened was that they started pulling all my staff members off of their posts to do an all-hands call-in for this event, which we were supposed to make happen in three days.  I also didn’t have too much to say about that except certain posts that I knew we had to have in order to keep the Org running.  Then they tried to pull my P.E.S.  off post to do call in for the event.  That was when I put my foot down.  I knew the Hubbard’s order on this was clear.  You do not stop the Public Division for any reason.  I told him to go back to what he was working on and I would handle it.  I told him that if they gave him any flak about it, they could come and see me.  When they came into my office, I was ready for them with written policy to back me up.  They told me it didn’t matter.  I told them that if they continued pressuring my people they were out.

One hour later I received a telex to report to Los Angeles the next day by 9 A.M. , at my own expense, for a Committee of Evidence (which is a nice way of saying Kangaroo Court).  I made it there on time and walked into the hallway where it was to take place at 8:45.  Once in the hallway, it was locked with a guard at the door.  They kept me waiting until Noon.  I had gone into the restroom a couple of times, it was a room off the hallway so I couldn’t get out that way,  It didn’t have any windows anyway.

I was escorted into a small room a set at a table opposite the door.  Although it wasn’t a jury of my peers, it would have to do.  My judges were three Sea Org members who were also high up in the Security Command.  It wasn’t too bad at first, and I had to give my enemies credit, in that short time, they had managed to get several of my staff to send in reports on me.  When they read me the charges on these reports I handled them all, as they were as false as grannies teeth.  I felt good.  I thought that I had settled any concerns that they could possibly have.

The person who had been asking most of the questions nodded and said “end of committee of evidence”.  I though I was going to leave.  I was wrong.  He told my to pick up the cans. (these are the leads to the e-meter).  For the next 9 hours they screamed questions at me rapid fire.  “What are your crimes? What have you done to Scientology? What have you done to Hubbard?  What have you done to David Miscavige? Etc. etc. etc”  each question on the tail of the last with no time to answer in between.  The only times I was allowed to leave the room was to use the restroom and I was escorted there and watched.  Also, I could not have run because of the locked door and guard at the end of the hall.

9 hours seemed like a lifetime.  And by the end, I was broken.  I would have sworn my allegiance  to the Devil at that moment to get out of that room.  I would have agreed to anything.  At that moment, I would have agreed to kill to get out of there.

I later learned that this process is not in any policy written by Hubbard.  It is something that is used anyway.  This process (which is called a gang bang security check) is designed to do only one thing.  To break you.  To make you a pliable little staff member.

They told me that I could return to my Org.  That I was going to go back as the P.E.S.  Which made me a little happy because I had never wanted the E.D. post.  At that time, I knew that I only had another three months to go before my contract was up, and I also knew that I would not be signing another one.

They also told me that I was never to tell anyone what had gone on it that little room (oops, I blew that one didn’t I).

You think my story is bad?  It is.  But there are many Scientology Sea Org members and staff that are going through worse than this even as you read this post.  Thank you for reading this


Please read the second part of my story HERE!

29 thoughts on “My Story – Why I left the ‘church’ of Scientology

  1. I left scientology also MANY years ago. I was kicked out as a “potential trouble source”
    because my husband was critical of Scientology and I refused to leave him. Being forced
    to leave scientology was the Best thing that could have happened to me as I was very young and did not have enough sense to leave on my own. My life has GREATLY improved over the years and I feel strongly that I would not have had this much growth if I had been allowed to remain in that pathetic excuse for a church.- Penny

  2. First time reading your blog – it’s interesting and a great place to find out about abuses from all over the religious spectrum.

    My interaction with Scientology was very brief, but scary. When I was 17, two friends and I went to lunch in an affluent part of Washington, DC, and when we came out of the restaurant we were approached by a young man who asked if we wanted to see a free movie. (This was in 1973, by the way) Being rather naive, we said “sure” and were taken to a brownstone-like house not too far away. The man told us to wait in a room and he would come get us when it was time for the movie.

    I looked around the room and saw all the Scientology pamphlets and books, and I thought it seemed flaky and weird, so I told my two friends we ought to go. We got up to leave and discovered the door was locked!! We really started to panic then. When the man came back and unlocked/opened the door, we rushed him and ran out the (thankfully) open front door. He actually chased us for a block before finally giving up.

    Just my two cents.

  3. Rob – thank you for your blog and telling your story. Scientology is so evil and horrible. I am glad you got out – they lost a good guy.

    Awesome blog.

    Good work Rob!

  4. HI! I realize these post are all from last year but I wanted to give a shortened story of my life with Scientology, though it was many years ago. I was in pretty sad shape when they snagged me. My mother had given me marching orders when I was in high school that I was OUT of the house as soon as I graduated. I had suffered a lot of abuse in my life. I was out looking for work when I was approached to take a, what, three question test? With tried and true tactics the young man immediately lead me, unwillingly, down the street to the center. Boom. That was it. It was as though the mafioso had me up against a wall, Next thing I knew I’m actually working for them which is a joke because you never make any money when you are a Scientologist. You give close to every dime back. Getting food was tricky. We had a soup line; lots of beans, and a hamburger joint down the street would have 5 cent hamburgers once a week and we would hoard them.

    One time a very important and “powerful” man came to give a lecture. I consider this man to be pure evil. He took all the staff memebers into a room and screamed at us that we were not making enough money. Everyone was so scared of this guy, It was like a nightmare. I felt myself receeding into outerspace, it seemed, when a quiet small voice inside told me that he was wrong, a liar, and to get the hell out of Scientology.

    The pull of that organization is so strong that twice I tried going back. Thankfully the sickening feeling inside made me run away again. The last time I was there I looked around the room and saw robots hard at work on Scientology bs.

    Sadly, I have a friend who never quit. She would be sixty now. A slave since age 18. Another friend who shares your name Rob, I have no idea if it’s you, but I truly hope he got out because he was a really good guy.

    Hahaha!! Sadly, I seem to be drawn to cults. Later in life I became a “Born Again Christian” and experienced a different kind of cult. HOLY MOLE. THAT was truly painful. I think I know now when to run like hell.

  5. Rob, sorry you went through the hellish experience.
    the court you went to, to confront your accusers is called the council of LOVE in mormonism. The same bullshit. Like you said, they try to brake you and make you believe they are the only people holding the keys to your salvation.
    Just stating my opinion: religion in general creates more psychological damage to people than anything else especially when you start “thinking” and asking questions.

  6. I just found your site so I don’t know much about you other then what I read here. It’s late so I will have to read more later.
    Congrats on getting out and kudos for speaking out.
    I got out of a small cult in 2008. At the time I felt very alone. I knew I wasn’t but people weren’t speaking out yet. So I decided to do my best by filling that void by writing a blog in hopes that anyone else looking for someone who personally understood might find me and not feel as alone as I did. Later ex FLDS members went on TV and exposed what they were going through. Hearing their stories helped me heal in some areas I was struggling in.
    Since starting my blog and telling my story I’ve blogged about many other things, it’s been quite a journey.
    I still rarely find other ex-cult members who want to link up with other ex-cult members unless they are from their own old cult group or family. I’m not exclusive like that. Never really have been in my heart.

  7. Hi Rob, Funny this morning I was reading a new article of yours and saw the ‘My Story’ link, read your story all over again like it was bran new to me and went to comment only to find I’d read it 2 months ago and commented then. Well my education is not fixing my memory! I think for you having a 100% reliable memory is a blessing. Karen’s Jeffery is like that. Photographic memory. Thank you for all the daily articles. I also get UNISEF articles. I search to understand how there are so many mislead followers to a small percentage of cons. Part of it is we want to love and trust others and believe what they say and that is not a bad thing. Something that does not seen to be ‘built in’ to our nature is the ability to observe what is truly in front of us. This would be by using and acknowledging our intuition. So my memory is toast but my goal is to be able to observe much better then I do now and have done in the past. And I enjoyed reading your story again. Thank you for doing what you are doing.

  8. Rob, I am glad to have found your site! I’ve known all these religions are bull for a long time. you are helping free the human race for certain.

  9. all the best. thank you for sharing your experience in the racket business of hypnosis and criminal behaviour. btw: you look great on that photo here 😉

    • Thanks for the compliment. It is hypnosis combined with a type of repetitive command therapy that Freud stopped using before he became famous.

  10. Thank you very much for having the coiurage to speak. You’ll be alright, they have less and less competent people and the closer it gets to the core the worse the meltdown is. You have done a good action in sharing your experience. The true datum is that people leave because they desagree with what goes on and are not willing to put up with it. The big lie is that people leave because things they have done. This is a control mechanism. Hitler stayed till the end so dis Stalin and so will do Miscavige. Thank you again you should be proud.

  11. Love you big brother Robert! ❤️

  12. Thank you for your story Rob. So looks like you left in 1997. I left mid 96. Can you imagine how bad it must be there now 18 years later? On Marty’s recommended books in ‘Buddha’s Brain’. That seems to have helped me with the bad dreams and anxiety which I realized I had while on staff since ’83 RPF. I pretty much always thought the guards would be bringing in another goldenrod order for me to report into the RPF again…
    It’s interesting you joined just for that post. I didn’t know the church manned the place like that but I was never staff more then a few days at a Class 4 org.
    I don’t think you will have to worry about OSA – how could they possibly keep up with all the person’s leaving and speaking out?

    • I don’t usually worry about OSA. The way they usually pick on me is by taking down my sites, which they have done a couple of times. Thanks for reading and commenting.

  13. Glad you are out Robert and just know that there are thousands of others who are out and many are communicating about it. Scientology is in it’s death throes and has lost most of it’s teeth. The really effective OSA agents have left the building and they are left with those who are not so experienced. Thank you for the post.

  14. Wow, that’s pretty harrowing. Another example of how this psychotic “church” chews up good people.

  15. Robert, so glad you are out of the mind warp known as Scientology. I am sorry you have nightmares about the cult. They have a way of leaving everyone they touch with an extra set of baggage for life. What is nice and new is we are many and even though the experiences may differ in many respects we are no longer alone, we are many…with more everyday.

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